Friday, 13 July 2012

It's All So Fuckin' Hysterical




Peter Sullivan: Why are you always smiling?
Connor Rooney: 'Cause it's all so fuckin' hysterical.



The response in the dialogue above from the movie "Road to perdition" has to rank amongst my favourite movie quotes of all time. Daniel Craig playing Connor Sullivan was the picture of cynicism when the prodigal son delivered that line with a dead pan face as he watched his father and foster son playing a song on the piano to the thunderous applause of a room full of mafia cronies. A perfect picture of a loving father and son belying the fact that they were indeed proven murderers.
That line came to mind very often today as I browsed both blog and news sites and came across different items of news that elicited that response.

First was the news that AC Milan has agreed to sell Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva to PSG. Owner of the club Berlusconi announced this and justified it by saying "We will save €150m over the next two years". Now this is AC Milan we are talking about. The most successful club in world football in terms of international trophies and one of the wealthiest and most valuable in Italian and world football. They do not need to sell two of their best players.

Let's leave Silva aside now, can Ibrahimovic be sold without his consent from The AC Milan to a PSG? This is the man called Zlatan (the name was trademarked in 2003) we are talking about here; the man who famously told Arsene Wenger, "No way, Zlatan doesn't do auditions".  This was in 2001 when he was asked to come in for trials before a potential move to Arsenal could be discussed.

I don't think so which leaves me wondering if his move to PSG is motivated by a desire to win trophies and not about the silly money that PSG's new found wealth allows them to offer the best players in world football these days. I'm inclined to believe he forced this move but then he isn't Van Persie and doesn't play for Arsenal so it wouldn't be played out messily in the news. Now AC Milan has revived interest in Tevez who we all know won't come cheap. That was when I thought, "It's all so fucking hysterical."

Then came the news of Sepp Blatter saying he's powerless to strip his predecessor, 96 year old Joao Havelange off his honorary presidency after he was named alongside his son-in-law as having received millions in bribes from collapsed marketing firm ISL. Now wait for it, Blatter insists such payment were not illegal under Swiss laws at the time and cannot be judged by current standards.

"You can't judge the past on the basis of today's standards. Otherwise it would end up with moral justice..." Blatter said. Whatever that means.
The only public official who has made more gaffes in my reckoning is probably George Bush (jr). Why on earth has this man and his son-in-law been named publicly in a Swiss prosecutor's report that was ordered released by a Switzerland Supreme Court if Swiss laws at the time did not consider such payments illegal. I am not always the brightest bulb around so it may need to be broken down for me. Blatter himself has fought allegations of a similar type of corruption so he may lack the moral authority to do anything about Havelange. Once again I thought "It's all so fucking hysterical".


Then there was the story of Kolo Toure being in negotiations to move to Turkish club, Bursaspor. He had only last week openly courted Robin Van Persie, inviting him to join him at City after Van Persie announced he will not be renewing his contract with Arsenal. Doesn't he want to wait for RVP any more? It's all so fucking hysterical.

 The daddy of them all has to be this aftternoon's acquittal of Chelsea's John Terry for a racially aggravated public order offense which in layman's speak will be simply called racism.

I'm not saying John Terry should have been found guilty. I'm not saying he was right to use a racial slur in the now famous altercation with Antoine Ferdinand. I just believe the case never should have gone to trial  in the first place but given the British people's love for a good circus, this was one they couldn't resist.

     -"Hey, Mate. Did you hear that geezer used the "N" word at Antoine"
       -What? The captain of our national team used the N word? That Geezer should be burnt at the stake
       -Come on, Mate. That's been outlawed, innit? You can't do that any more
       -Alright then. Let's hang him out to dry

And so the circus began and it provided a good show for three days.

Anyone who's ever played ordinary neighbour-hood kick-about football or "choosing" as we call it locally knows that insulting banters are an intrinsic part of football. You can't separate both. It happens during every single game -competitive or not. Players go at each other all the time. The exchange between both showed that Ferdinand gave as good as he got. The essence of these banters is usually to be hurtful. So if Ferdinand called Terry a missus shagger first or in response then he had participated willingly. The essense of the banter after all was to hurt the other party's feelings. If he felt so badly about it he should have sought out John Terry in a pub (seeing as he didn't hear the slur until footage appeared on Youtube) and done a Zidane on him.

Anyway if John Terry was not guilty of racism after admitting using a racial slur, how on earth was Suarez who made a better case of his denial of racially abusing United's Evra found guilty when he had only used the term affectionately according to the customs of his people. John Terry is English and can't claim something got lost in translation.

It's all so fucking hysterical!



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